God's Whisper
1 Kings 19:11-13, “Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. 12 After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.”
I had a unique experience of hearing God’s voice….I’ve been struggling with feeling inadequate and insecure. Consequently, it takes me into a little bit of a depression. I kept having an overwhelming sense that I am a failure at ministry, a failure as a mom and wife, a failure as a sister, a failure as a daughter, a failure as an athlete, and a failure as a friend. EVERYTHING I did took me to a place of feeling inadequate this past month. For example, I had to quite training for my half marathon because I couldn’t find the time and I have been having some health problems, so I feel this great sense of being a quitter. I’ve also wanted to spend more time with our high school students over the Christmas break, but it’s been nearly impossible for me to connect with them, so I start believing that I’m not doing a good job at being their Youth Pastor. In addition, I’ve been really aware of all the stupid things that come out of my mouth unintentionally. Once again, it leaves me thinking I am missing the mark and not good enough.
It wasn’t until Christmas Eve, that God spoke to me. It was clear as day. As a child, I always wondered why God didn’t speak to us like He did in the Bible times. The fact is, God speaks to us just the same, but we are often not listening to His whisper.
As I was driving to our Christmas Eve service, I was overwhelmed with all my short-comings. I felt like I couldn’t keep up with life and all the expectations that come with it. Jesus whispered… “This is why I have come.” God had to come into this world to show us (me) that despite us (me) constantly falling short, that he loves us exactly the way we are. There is nothing we can do or not do, that will make Him love us any more or less. My feeling of being inadequate and a failure is not God’s voice, but the voice of Satan breathing lies into my head. God spoke truth in my car to remind me that I am free from those things.
The next morning, on Christmas day, I felt the literal weight of my short-coming lifted off of me. I’ve never experienced something so dramatically. It has allowed me to have some freedom in my brokenness. This experience has opened my eyes and given me a new meaning of Christmas. It is a time where Jesus has identified with our humanity and has freed us from our failures. There are days (sometimes months) when all I think about are the times I have messed up. I dwell in those things all the time. It was special to see how God is trying to teach me that those thoughts are not of Him and that he loves me and I don’t have to earn his love. My hope is to continue to hear God’s whisper over the world that is often screaming lies to us.
